thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
