I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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