just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
