I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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