I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
