I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
