Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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