I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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