You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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