You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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