hotel room ftw
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize