Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
