i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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