Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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