I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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