i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
