Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
