There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
