Having a random hookup so left but love u
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
