he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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