why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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