She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
