I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
