i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
