About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
