dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
