Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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