ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
