I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize