I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
