Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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