I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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