she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
