you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
