You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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