you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
