i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
