Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
