you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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