And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
