Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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