they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
