Please don't use social media to get back at me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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