dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
