You just made me feel so damn special
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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