My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
