Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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