Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
