I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
