did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
