Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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