I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize