The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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