I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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