I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
