i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
