i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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