we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
