That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
