I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
