I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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