We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
