There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
