If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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