The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
