A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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