I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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