I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
