My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
