Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
