Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
