i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
