If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
