he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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