my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
