dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
