she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
