i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
